


Learn to Live, Learn to Love

by sister_elric



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Getting Together, M/M, Slow Burn, Sobriety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:26:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22428565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sister_elric/pseuds/sister_elric
Summary: Roy hasn't seen Edward in five years. So, running into Edward in Central was a surprise, however why he's back and hasn't told anyone else comes as more of a surprise.  Edward, learning how to start life over in a new sense, turns to Roy for comfort.
Relationships: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54





	1. September 3rd, 1921

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! Wow, I haven't written a fanfic in what seems like forever! I don't have a BETA. Hope you enjoy! :)

**September 3 rd, 1921**

“Fullmetal?” The blonde man turned away from the librarian and towards the familiar voice. 

“Colonel. Fancy meeting you here.” Ed gave a genuine smile towards the raven-haired man. Roy rolled his eyes.

“I know I’ve told you I’ve been promoted.”

“Yea, but General Bastard just doesn’t have the same ring to it, now does it?” Roy laughed as he walked closer to the man.

“I guess you’re right. What are you doing in Central?”

Ed blushed slightly, looking embarrassed. His eyes averted slightly.

“I – uh.” He stammered. “I just moved back, actually. Today’s my first day working in the research department downstairs. Civilian work. I just ran up to gran this.” He waved the folder in his hand.

“Oh.” Roy hoped his hurt wasn’t showing, wondering why Ed wouldn’t tell him that he moved to Central. He had assumed the two were fr-

“Don’t give me that look, Mustang. No one knows I’m back.” He paused. “Not even Al.”

Roy stared at Ed who was beginning to look nervous, shifting his weight. “Is everything okay, Edward?”

Ed sighed, “It’s…I – “He looked up, meeting Roy’s gaze. “A lot has happened since the last time you saw me. What? It’s been four or five years.”

“Well, I’d love to catch up. When is a good time to come by? It would be an honor to see Ms. Rockbell as well. Where are you two staying?”

Ed looked down again. “Well, she’s still in Rush Valley.”

Roy caught on quickly. “She doesn’t know either?”

“Like I said, a long story.”

“General Mustang?” The librarian spoke softly, politely interrupting. “We have that file you requested.”

Roy nodded, walking closer to the desk, grabbing the file from her. Turning back to Ed, he smiled. “I should be getting back to work. Is dinner alright?”

“Dinner?” Ed asked, as he and Roy walked away from the front desk.

“To catch up?” Roy watched as Ed contemplated his answer. “I’m sure we’ve both had a great amount happen in the last five years. We can meet tomorrow, let’s say 6?”

Ed paused again, looking the General up and down. “You know what? Why the hell not?” Ed turned the opposite way, waving over his shoulder, “You’re paying General.”

They met at a small Aerugon café down the street from the office. The small banter between the two on the way to the café as well as while ordering made Roy’s chest swell. He truly missed Edward. As their dinner was winding down, Roy couldn’t help but wonder what Edward’s story entailed.

“So, I guess you’re ready for a story.” Ed cleared his throat, placing his water down on the table.

Roy had already finished his second glass of wine, wanting to take the edge off. He felt himself relax, looking at Ed across the table. “Only if you want to tell me, Fullmetal. Please don’t feel as though you’re obligated to tell me anything.”

“No, it’s fine.” His brows knitted together, struggling for words. “I’ve thought about it, and I guess it’s time to talk to someone about all this. This just…It stays between us.”

Roy folded his hands under his chin, leaning forward. “Of course.”

“Well- I guess,” He sighed again, “I guess let me start with – “Roy couldn’t remember the last time he had seen Edward so… _lost._ “I’m an alcoholic, Mustang.” The raven haired main blinked a few times, trying to process what he was just told.

“An alcoholic?”

Ed clicked his tongue “Yes, Bastard. You know, alcoholic. Alcoholism. One with an alcohol dependency. I didn’t think I would have to define it- “

“I’m sorry, Edward.” Roy put his hand up to stop Ed’s frustrated rant. “I didn’t mean to come off as obtuse or offend you. It just took me by surprise.” Roy folded his hands back under his chin. “Please continue. I’m all ears.”

Ed smiled, tensely. “Well – It started obviously after the Promised Day. I figured life would slow down immediately after fighting for _something_ every day of my life. But, it’s didn’t. Moving back to Resembol, making sure Al’s recovery was going smoothly, trying to figure out my feelings for Winry, trying to figure out my life in general. My mind just would not stop racing, it was nonstop.

“When Al started getting more strength, Winry had suggested we go on a date. We went out in town, and there isn’t much to do in the county, so after dinner we ended up in a small bar. We uh – we, had a few drinks. It was my first time drinking, let alone getting _drunk._ Woke up the next morning and didn’t have a clue what the fuck happened. Winry shrugged, said I was just being louder and more obnoxious, but otherwise it was fine. So, we made that our date night spot. Every Monday and Friday, Granny would watch over Al and we’d go out, get dinner and get plastered. I like th- “He paused, taking in a deep breath. “I _liked_ the feeling. It got me out of my head. It made me forget about Al’s recovery, my loss of alchemy, how _depressed_ I really was, how much I really _didn’t_ know what the _fuck_ I was doing.

“So eventually, I found myself going to the bar a few times without her. Then, after a year or so I found myself there every day.” Roy could see Ed swallow for across the table. The blonde began fiddling with his hands. “Al got better…and he wanted to travel. Without me. Then, Winry wanted to permanently move to Rush Valley. I was still – I mean even now – “he paused, “Just so lost. So, I decided to travel as well. Winry obviously didn’t like that I was leaving. Was so upset and I just didn’t want to lose someone else, so I panicked and proposed. Then, I immediately felt like shit because I knew that I didn’t want to be married, but I couldn’t take it back. I felt myself spiraling, unsure why or what was happening to me. At this point I had been maybe three or four days without a drink. My head hurt, my body wouldn’t stop shaking, I was nauseous. So, before we left town, I picked up a bottle and drank on the train. Which turned into me drinking every day for two and half years.

“I was back in Rush Valley, visiting Winry. She was pissed she hadn’t heard from in six months. We argued. I went to the bar. I got so drunk, she and Paninya had to literally drag me out. She started yelling and telling me how I wasn’t there for her. And how her and Al were worried. That I changed. It got ugly really quick. I don’t really remember a lot of the words that were exchanged, all that I remember was that…I – I slapped her.

“She didn’t say anything. She didn’t continue to scream. She just turned around and walked inside, leaving me in the front of her shop. The next day, she told me we were done. Told me I had a problem. I didn’t know where else to go, so I went back to Resembol and stayed with Granny until I could figure out what I was going to do next. Granny was obviously pissed at me. Every day in Resembol I felt as though I was a failure. I was there about six months, doing odd and end jobs, making enough money to help Granny with what she needed and then the rest I blew on booze. I felt like complete shit. I felt so alone. I just wanted my mind to stop racing. So, I drank 1/5th and took some pain killers I found in the medicine cabinet, hoping that it would _just end._ But, by some fucked up miracle, I woke up the next day. I spent the day crying for the first time in years. I couldn’t stay there any longer. So, I packed up and went back to Creta. Stayed with a friend I met who lived right at the border. I drank for another three months before finally I woke up one morning and told myself, ‘ _I’m fucking exhausted.’_ Spent the last three months without a drink, trying to figure out what my next plan was. Then I ended up here.”

Ed grabbed his water glass and took another sip. “And well, that’s it.”

Roy sat back in his chair, his mind fighting between what to say and hoping his face wasn’t showing how overwhelmed he felt. It must have.

“I know, it’s a lot to take in. _Trust me, I know._ ”

Roy cleared his throat. “Well, yes, it is. But I would like to at least say that I’m honored to have been the first person you have shared that story with. I know – It must not have been easy these last five years. And…I promise I won’t speak of this to anyone.”

Ed smiled softly, “Thanks, Bastard.”

“Also, I’m glad to know you weren’t just ignoring my letters just for the sake of it, but because you were constantly inebriated.” He had hoped that would break the tension, however what he wasn’t expecting was a full on laugh from the blonde.

The blonde attempted to cover his mouth as his shoulders shook. “Yeah, well sorry about that.”

The two walked out into the cool night air. “Where are you staying, Edward?”

“A hotel a block or so from here. Only until I can save up a bit more for a place of my own.”

Roy didn’t know why, but the sound of Edward staying in a hotel just didn’t sit well with him. “I have a guest room you are more than welcomed to us- “

“Nope, none of that.” Ed shook his head. “I have to learn how to be a big boy one way or another, Roy. Don’t worry about me, please. I promise I’m safe.”

Roy pursed his lips. “Well, I would like to hope we are friends, even more so after tonight…”

Edward rolled his eyes. “Is your old age making you soft? What kind of shit is this?”

“I can worry, Edward. Is that so hard to be- “

“Yes, Mustang. We’re friends. And yes, you can worry. However, I am telling you as my friend, please believe that I’m fine. And if I need anything, I’ll promise to give you a holler.”

It was Roy’s turn to roll his eyes. “Yes, a holler. From wherever you are, I’m sure I’ll be able to hear.”

“Shut the fuck up,” the blonde laughed. “Thanks for tonight. And for listening. Never knew talking about it would make…I don’t know, not better, but I don’t feel worse.”

“Of course, let’s do this again. I’ll see you tomorrow. Please make it back safe.”

Ed rolled his eyes once more as he turned to walk away.


	2. October 1st, 1921

**October 1 st, 1921**

Roy had hoped Ed would reach out to him after their dinner a few weeks prior. However, he hadn’t. The General found his spare thoughts drifting towards the blonde more and more often. How was he? Was he sober? Did he need anything? How beautiful he wa-

But Roy had decided it would probably be best not to meddle too much. He definitely didn’t find himself making unnecessary trips to the library hoping to see him.

“You know, you could always just call him.” Havoc commented as Roy walked back in the office.

“Who?”

Jean rolled his eyes. “Like we all don’t know you’ve been taking your own trips to the library to catch a glimpse of the boss.”

“Zip it, Havoc.”

“He’s right. The work around here has decreased tremendously over the last three weeks. I’ve found the number to Edward’s desk.” Riza walked up to Roy, handing over a piece of paper. “You’re obviously worried for whatever reason, and it’s distracting you. Call.”

He took the paper and sighed. “Is that an order?”

“Yes.” She gave him a stern look before he sighed and walked into his office. 

Roy sat as his desk and dialed the number, glancing up to make sure the door was closed.

_“Edward Elric speaking.”_

“Fullmetal.”

_“Colonel Bastard. How-“_

“I just came across it,” Edward chuckled over the line. “How are you?”

Ed paused. _“I…”_ He sighed. _“Why am I even telling you this? I’m…I’m not the best right now.”_

Roy was right to be worried apparently. “Why is that?”

_“I can’t talk about it now, bastard. Some of us actually work.”_

The older man chuckled. “Would you like to meet up then? We can go to that same café if you’d like.”

Ed paused again. _“You don’t have to do this,”_ he murmured into the receiver.

“I understand that, but I want to.”

They sat down at the same secluded table and ordered.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind.” Ed murmured as he looked down at his hands, folded on the table. “For some reason I thought this would be easier as time went on, but every day that I’m sober, it seems like the more I want to drink again.”

“Have you?” Roy asked.

Ed looked Roy straight in his eyes. “No.”

“Well, that’s good. I’m proud of you.”

“Stop, Bastard. I’m not doing this for you.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t be happy for you, Edward.” Roy gave the blonde a small smile. “What do you think triggers these thoughts? Do you get the urge to drink when you think of certain things? When you’re alone?”

Ed sat back, thinking about it. “Well for starters, I walk past the lobby bar every day. I’m sure that doesn’t help.”

“Your hotel has a bar in it?”

“Yeah. And when…when I look over and just see people sitting there, drinking a whiskey, socializing without a care in the world…It makes me feel…I don’t know. Jealous. Lonely. Guilty. All of the above.” He chuckles darkly.

“You wish you could drink with strangers?”

“Not necessarily. I wish I could walk up to the bar after a long day of this shitty ass job and have _one_ whiskey. I wish I could talk to the bartender about trivial things and maybe laugh with the person next to me. I wish I could have one normal thing in this goddamn world without me turning it to shit. I wish my drinking didn’t drive me to be a fucking idiot.”

“Just because you don’t drink, Edward, doesn’t mean you aren’t _normal._ Plenty of people don’t consume alcohol because they simply don’t want to. You can still socialize. You can still vent about your job, talk to strangers, enjoy life. Yes, you’ve made some mistakes that you must make up for, but that’s not because you are an alcoholic, Edward. It’s because you’re human. You aren’t perfect, however neither am I. That doesn’t mean that we can’t live happy lives.”

The blonde stared at him for a moment, a sad smile forming. “I don’t deserve happiness. Not after everything I’ve done.”

Roy reached over, placing his hand on top of Ed’s folded ones. “Edward, you deserve happiness more than anyone I know. Please believe me when I say that.”

Ed looked down at the older man’s hand, wanting to ask why he thought so highly of him. “Why are y-“

“Here’s your order, sir.” Roy pulled his hand back as the waitress placed down his order in front of him. Ed pushed his thought to the back of his head as he began to pick up his sandwich.

“Enough about me for a minute, how’s work going for you?” Ed asked.

“You really should have let me pick up the tab. I got my first check, ya know?” Ed grumbled as they walked onto the street.

“Next time, then.”

“How do you know there’s going to be a next time, Bastard? I might be a busy man.” Ed looked up, challenging Roy.

“Edward, you just got done telling me how lonely you were. I’m sure you can squeeze me in once or twice a week.” Roy smirked as the blonde’s cheeks turned pink.

“That’s not what I said.”

“That’s not what I heard.”

“We must have been having two different conversati-“

“Ed.” Roy interrupted. He turned to the blonde and smiled down at him. Well, down wasn’t the right word. Edward had grown a lot. Maybe a few inches shorter than him. The man’s jaw sharpened profoundly. He looked more like Hohenheim with age, although he wouldn’t tell Edward that. He was attractive. Always had been, however now as they stand so close in the front of the café, Roy couldn’t be in awe with the young man before him. “I get it. I know it’s hard to admit you need help, or even just someone to talk to. I understand that you’re going through a lot. And while I may not have personal experience with the matter, I want you to know that even if there is small moment in time where you feel the need to reach out, please do so. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. Sobriety is peace for you, so I will do anything in my power to help you achieve that. Even if it means taking you out to dinner a few times a week and listening to you for hours. I don’t mind. Honestly.”

Ed blinked at the man for a few moments, before a sad smile crossed his face. “I don’t deserve this. I’ve done…so many shitty th-”

“You do deserve this. You’re allowed to be imperfect and still be happy. Still have friends. Still find love. You’re allowed all of things. Don’t let yourself forget that.” Roy stepped forward, pulling the blonde into a hug. He expected for Ed to pull away, unsure how he would take the outward display of affection.

But to his surprise, Ed wrapped his arms around his waist and squeezed. “You’re not half bad, Mustang.” He murmured before pulling away.

“Are you sure you want to keep staying at the hotel? You’re more than welcome to use my guest roo-“

“None of that. I already told you before, I can handle it.” Ed smiled before turning towards his destination. He stopped a few feet away before turning back swiftly. “If you tell anyone I let you hug me in public, I’ll fucking kill you.”

Roy laughed and began turning towards his car. “Good night, Fullmetal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Leave kudos and comments. :)


	3. October 4th, 1921

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been awhile. Please enjoy.

**October 4 th, 1921 **

The ring of his phone woke Roy up. He squinted over at his bedside clock which read 4:30 am. His brain tried to register the day. October 4th. It was a Saturday. His brain slightly hazy from the abrupt wake up call, a mild headache pushing at the back of his eyes from the few drinks he had with Havoc last night to celebrate his birthday. He didn’t want to go overboard, because they were planning on going to Chris’ tomorrow morning for a bigger celebration.

Why was he awake again? The sound of the phone ringing again brought him back to reality. He groaned, shuffling out of bed. Who the hell would be calling this early?

Roy is surprised he made it to the hallway in time to pick up the phone. _“_ Mustang residence _,”_ he cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the sleep in his voice.

_“Mustang- “_ the sound of Edward’s wrecked voice alerted him. _“I know it’s early – I’m – fuck.”_ He heard the man take in a deep breath, almost sounding like a choked whimper. _“Fuck – I’m sorry. I just didn’t know who else to – “_ another sob broke through the phone.

“Ed, shh. Shh. It’s ok. Don’t apologize. What’s going on? Are you alright?” Roy hoped the panic that he was feeling wasn’t detected in his tone. “Where are you?”

_“I’m in this stupid hotel room. I just – fuck Roy, I fucked up. I’m so fucking stupid. Fucking four months down the goddamn drain,”_ he heard the other man stutter, his cries echoing through Roy’s ears. Roy swallowed hard at the implication.

“Edward, it’s ok. It’s ok. What hotel are you at? Which room? I’ll come get you.”

_“I don’t want you to fuck- fucking see me like this. I’m fucking drunk, I’m a fucking wreck. My brain just won’t fucking shut up. I just want to fuck – I can’t do this anymore, Roy.”_

“Edward, where are you? Please let me help. I’ll come get you. You can stay here with me tonight and when you wake up, we’ll figure something out. Just please, let me help you.”

There was a long pause on the phone, Roy was beginning to think that Edward may have hung up one him. _“I don’t want to be alone, Roy. I’m so tired.”_

“You’re not alone, let me help you.” Roy pleaded one last time.

_“I’m at Sienna Inn. I honestly couldn’t tell you the cross streets right now.”_

“That’s fine. I know exactly where that’s at. What room?”

_“104. First floor.”_

“I’ll be right there. Give me a few minutes. Keep the door unlocked.” Roy hung up the phone and walked towards his room. He grabbed a sweater from his closet and tugged it on, put on his house shoes, and grabbed his wallet from the side table. His thoughts preoccupied with how _distraught_ Ed had sounded during the phone call.

The drive to the hotel was short. The early hour made parking easy. He walked to the receptionist quickly, “Excuse me, but could you please direct me to room 104?”

“Um, yes. That’s Mr. Elric’s room correct? If you just follow this hallway,” she pointed pass the lobby bar towards a dim lit hall, “It will be a few doors down on your right-hand side. Do you have business with Mr. Elric so early in the morning?”

“You could say something like that,” he smiled, trying to end the conversation, “If you’ll excu- “

“I don’t mean to intrude. Mr. Elric has been nothing but kind these last few weeks. However, I just wanted to ensure he was ok. Last night he walked in and I – well I could tell it he wasn’t himself. Please let him know Myra was thinking of him.” She smiled weakly.

“I will. Thank you,” Roy smiled again at the woman before walking towards the direction of Edward’s room.

Reaching room 104, Roy knocked quietly before opening the door. He felt himself relax slightly at the sight of Edward, staring up at him from the edge of the bed. His tear stained face was flushed, eyes red and swollen from crying. His golden hair out of it’s normal ponytail, few strands sticking to his forehead.

“Edward,” Roy walked towards the man immediately. Edward smiled weakly at his friend, however eyes still shined with unshed tears.

“Thank you for coming, Bastard.”

“Of course. Let’s get you out of here.” Roy grabbed Edward’s hands, helping him up to his feet. Edward swayed slightly, grabbing onto Roy’s forearm to steady himself. Mustang could spell the liquor on him.

“I’m really sorry,” Ed murmured, hanging his head in disappointment.

“Don’t be. Come on. Do you have your wallet? Your hotel key?” Ed patted his pockets with one hand before nodding. Roy placed Ed’s arm over his shoulders, having him lean on him for support. “I got you, let’s go.”

He and Ed walked through the lobby, Roy looking up at Myra who threw them a small wave in acknowledgment. She almost looked relieved.

It took a few minutes to get Edward into his car. Took longer to get him out and up the steps to his home. And felt like an eternity dragging him through the door to the guest bedroom. Roy heaved Ed onto the bed, steadying him as he sat. Edward’s eyes were heavy with exhaustion. How long had he been up? Roy bent down, untying both of Edward’s boots before taking them off. Roy gently pushed Edward’s head down on the pillow, sighing with relief when Ed seemed to nuzzle himself into the bedding.

He walked out of the bedroom, going to the kitchen and grabbing a cup of water. He walked back upstairs, making a pit spot at the bathroom to grab two pain killers. By the time he made it back to the room, Edward was snoring. He looked over at the bedside clock that read 5:30. Roy placed the water on the table and the two pills next to it. Roy pushed the waste basket next to bed, just to be on the safe side.

Roy woke up at noon to the sound of dry heaving. _’Well, at least he’s alive,’_ Roy thought as he climbed out of bed, making his way towards the hallway bathroom. The door was open, he leaned on the door frame as he watched Edward continue to throw up what he assumed was stomach acid at this point. It took a few minutes before Edward’s shaky hand reached to flush the toilet. “Having a good morning?” He dryly asked. Edward flinched hard, turning his head towards Roy quickly. He groaned, grabbing at his head and leaning against the toilet.

“Fuck, don’t do that,” he moaned.

“Sorry,” Roy whispered, walking in. He kneeled, his hand pushing the strands of hair sticking to Ed’s forehead back and out of the way. “I guess how are you feeling would be a dumb question.”

Ed chuckled, leaning slightly in towards Roy’s touch. “Yeah, dipshit. Don’t ask stupid questions.”

“Well you must be feeling somewhat decent if you can still be a brat.” Roy laughed, continuing to stroke Ed’s hair.

“I – “Ed closed his eyes, sighing. “I don’t remember much of last night. I barely remember calling you. But, thanks.”

“Of course. I assume talking about it as you’re attempting to clear your entire digestive system isn’t the greatest idea.”

Ed laughed again before answering. “Yea, I don’t feel like spiraling down that rabbit hole at the moment. Just trying to get through today if possible.”

“That’s understandable. Do you need anything?”

“No, I think I’m fine. Would you mind if I took a shower? I’m sweaty and I – “he gestures awkwardly at his clothes which Roy realizes are speckled with vomit. “I made it to the bathroom, so you don’t have to worry about your precious linens.”

“I’m sure they’re covered in your sweat, I still should be worried.”

“Asshole.”

Roy stood up, knees cracking. “Do you need help up?” Ed shook his head, but made no attempt at moving. “Let me grab you a few things so you can shower.”

Roy glided through the house quickly. He walked into his bedroom first, grabbing a pair of old sweats, underwear, and black shirt that he hadn’t worn in a while. He then made it to the hallway closet grabbing two towels and a wash rag. Walking back into the bathroom, he placed those items on the edge of the bathtub before turning and looking through the cabinet in his bathroom. Roy grabbed a spare toothbrush and placed that with the other items. He looked over, seeing Edward finally making it to his feet. He watched as Ed looked into the mirror, eyebrows knitting together. “I look like shit,” he heard Edward whisper, mostly to himself.

“I’ve seen you look worse, Ed.”

The other man laughed, “Seeing me covered in blood after a life or death fight with a god doesn’t count, fucker.”

Roy laughed, moving closer to him. “Let me know if you need anything Ed, I’m right down the hallway,” and with that he left Edward to himself, closing the bathroom door gently behind him.

Ed walked out of the bathroom sometime later. He wasn’t sure how long he spent in the shower, but felt so much better than he had when he first woke up wanting to expel everything out of his body.

As he walked into what he assumed was Roy’s guest bedroom, he looked at the clock that read 1:30. He moved towards the small table, grabbing the two pills and water, thankful that he didn’t take them when he first opened his eyes. Ed sat on the edge of the bed, taking both pills and finishing the glass of water quickly. His head pounded and his tremors were still prevalent, but he was thankful the vomiting spell was over for now.

The blonde sighed, feeling disappointment wash over him. He was doing so well, finally working towards some type of normalcy in his life. Why did he have to go and fuck it up? Why couldn’t he just be –

“I changed the sheets.” Ed startled, looking up sharply. He groaned as his head protested with the sudden movement. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Roy smiled gently down at him.

“It’s fine. Really sensitive to sound right now, it’ll go away soon, hopefully.” Roy walked in, closing the space between them and sitting on the bed next to him. “Did the shower help?”

“Yea, thanks.” Roy took the clothes out of his lap.

“I’ll wash these for you. I have a few pairs of clothes you can wear throughout the weekend.”

“You don’t have to do th- “

“Edward, I know I don’t. But I want to. Monday we’ll retrieve your things from the hotel, and you can stay here as long as you need.”

Ed groaned, resting his head into the palm of his hand. “Roy, I can take care of my- “

“Edward, you need help.” Ed glanced over at Roy who was looking straight ahead. “This last month I was worried sick about you. And the other night when I told you I wanted you to be happy, I truly meant that. You aren’t happy. You are struggling. And that’s fine, please take it from someone who has his own demons he has to battle daily.”

“I need to grow up some time, Roy. I can’t keep relaying on others to save me.”

“But you can’t keep hoping to solve all your problems on your own either, Edward. Look where that has gotten you.”

Edward sighed, his head pounding. He wanted nothing more than to fall back asleep and forget this ever happened.

“Can we talk about all of this tomorrow,” Ed pleaded.

“Of course. Lie down. I’ll grab you some more water.” Roy got up, his hand landing on Ed’s shoulder, using it as leverage to help himself up. Ed felt himself lie down, shuffling to cover himself with blanket.

“Thanks, Bastard.”

“Get some sleep, brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. All feedback is appreciated.


	4. November 13th, 1921

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Double chapter update! Not beta'd, so all mistakes are my own.

November 13th, 1921

Edward had lived with Roy for a little over a month now.

_“I don’t want to be a burden. I will pay rent weekly. I will do my share of chores around the house. I will be held responsible for my actions. If I fuck up again, if I lose my shit while I’m here, you need to kick me out.”_

_“Edward, I’m not going to kick you out while you’re struggling.”_

_“And I’m not going to come into your home with all my baggage and not expect to be held accountable for my actions.” They stared at each other for a few moments, before Roy sighed._

_“I will hold you accountable for your actions, Edward. I will do my best not to enable you.”_

_“Then it looks like you have yourself a new roommate.”_

After laying down some ground rules, Edward had found that living with the other man was surprisingly easy. Roy and Ed would walk to work together on their leisure mornings and ride together the mornings were rushed. On the rare days their schedules lined up, Roy would walk down to the civilian research department and have lunch with Ed in the courtyard. Ed typically got off earlier than Roy, most days he would head home to start dinner or do chores. He did the cleaning and the shopping. Roy had insisted that he didn’t need to, but Edward ignored him nonetheless and continued to help where he could.

It was Saturday when the phone rang. Roy had been taking a shower. Ed would have normally just let the phone ring, not feeling entirely comfortable with answering the man’s calls yet. However, something inclined him to do so today. Walking out of his room into the hallway, Ed picked up the phone. “Mustang Residence.”

_“Ed?”_ A familiar voice rang from the other side. _“Brother? What are you doing answering the General’s phone?”_

Ed felt his chest tighten. Why the fuck had he answered the phone? “I – he’s in the shower.”

_“Where have you been? Winry and I have been worried sick? I was calling the general to see when he had last heard from you, but I guess that’s a conversation that doesn’t need to happen after all.”_

“Ed-?” Ed looked over to see Roy walking out the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist and another slung across his shoulders. He looked concerned. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, Mustang. Everything’s fine. It’s Al,” Ed wasn’t sure if it was his tone or the expression on his own face that gave Roy the message, but the older man nodded before retreating to his room.

_“I’m so confused I don’t even know where to begin, Brother. We haven’t heard from you in 8 months! And you’re just in Central without a word to anyone you care about! You had to have known I’ve been back here for nearly a year! “_

“No, Al. I really – I had no idea.” Ed whispered.

_“I came back to Amestris while you were still living with granny. Winry told me about your break up so I figured I’d give you some time to get your ass and come to your senses. We figured you’d come here and apologize, but then next we heard you had up and left with no way to contact you! What the hell were you thinking? Winry and I have been worried sick!”_

“Look, Alphonse. I’d rather not have this conversation right now.”

_“Oh! So it has to be when and how you want it? When did you become so selfish brother?”_

“That’s not it, I just – I don’t know what you want me to say.”

_“How long have you been in Central?”_

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

_“You owe me at least that much.”_

“I – “ Ed pressed his palm into his eye, hoping the pressure would relieve his growing tension headache. “It’s been two months.”

_“Two months?!”_

“Please don’t be angry, Al.” Ed whispered, the sound of the other line cutting off signifying the end of the conversation.

Ed sighed, hanging up Roy’s phone gently. “I would kill for a fucking drink right now.” He heard himself whisper.

“Well good thing you’ve never been a murderer.” Ed laughed at the sound of the other man’s voice.

“Yeah, guess you’re right.”

“You okay?”

“If I answer truthfully will that stop you from asking me anymore questions?” Ed sighed, walking towards the living room.

“No,” Roy’s footsteps were heard behind him as Ed made his way to the couch in front of the fire place.

“Thought so.” Ed sat down, looking up at Roy who had since changed into a casual undershirt and a pair of sweats. Roy took a seat at the arm chair across from him, eyeing Ed carefully. “I shouldn’t have answered that fucking phone.”

“I’m surprised you did, you never do.”

“Yeah, well remind me to never do it again.” Ed chuckled lowly.

“I take it Alphonse was upset.”

“That’s an understatement. Al has never hung up on me.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah,” Ed sighed, pulling his knees close to his chest. “I don’t know what to say to them, Roy. Either of them. He says Winry’s worried about me, but what am I supposed to do about that? I can’t talk to her. I can’t confront her or call her. She doesn’t need my bullshit. And Al, how the hell was I supposed to know he was back in Amestris? Even if I did, what can I say to them? That I’m a fuckup? That I’m a piece of shit? They already know this!”

“Ed,” Roy’s gentle tone caught the younger man off guard. “Please trust me when I tell you that you aren’t a fuck up or a piece of shit.”

“I don’t.”

“Well, you’re not. And as for the true question at hand: talk to them when _you’re_ ready. Do they deserve an explanation and even an apology? Yes. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that you deserve to figure this out on your own terms and learn to love and forgive yourself before you can hope to ask others to forgive you as well.”

“I’ll never forgive myself.”

“Then never expect anyone else to do so.”

“I don’t _want_ forgiveness, Roy. I don’t deserve it! I just need – fuck!” Ed angrily rubbed his eyes, presumably wiping any unshed tears away before Roy could see them. “I just want to live! That’s it! I don’t want love, I don’t want happiness, I don’t want forgiveness. I just want to become a decent human being and live out the rest of this shit life without hurting anyone else!”

“Ed-“

“Don’t! I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Ed got up, walking past Roy’s chair and down the hallway. “If he calls again, I’m not here.” The distant sound of Ed’s door slamming was the last thing Roy heard before sighing. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
